The Men From The Ministry

South African Series Opening and Closing Announcements The following transcripts of the opening and closing announcements of South African episodes of The Men From The Ministry are taken from available recordings. These surviving recordings represent a very small fraction of the over 900 episodes originally produced. The author would appreciate being informed of any errors in this listing, or the availability of recordings of additonal episodes.

South African Men From The Ministry

Moderately Important Person (adapted from BBC episode 1/6 Moderately Important Person)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello,] this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, that intricate cobweb of departments, committees and subcommittees, all of whom keep minutes and most of whom waste hours.

Ends: Smoking the bubble pipe tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also featured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The programme was written by Johnny Mortimer, Brian Cooke and Edward Taylor.

 

Sort Out Records Room (adapted from BBC episode 2/11 A Back-Dated Problem)

Starts: It's time to meet The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, a weekly tribute those who steer the frail craft of Government up the muddy waters of modern life, without hesitation, without fear, and often without a paddle. The General Assistance Department in Whitehall is accustomed to tackling a wide variety of questions. Anything may come their way, from routine clerical tasks to a complex aviation problem.

Ends: Battling through as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also featured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The programme was written by Johnny Mortimer, Brian Cooke and Edward Taylor. The Men From The Ministry was produced by Tom Meehan, and recorded in the Durban studios of CTV by Cyril Kay.

 

Visit To America (adapted from BBC episode 3/5 Bowler Hats and Sub Machine Guns)

Starts: It's time to meet The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who keep the machinery of Government in the right gear: striped trousers, black jackets and bowler hats. Some offices may be cluttered and untidy, but in General Assistance Department they're always putting things in order.

Ends: [Exercised in mind as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also featured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson.] The programme was written by Johnny Mortimer, Brian Cooke and Edward Taylor. The Men From The Ministry was produced by Tom Meehan, and recorded in the Durban studios of CTV by Cyril Kay.

 

Finding Location Of New Airport (adapted from BBC episode 3/9 Customs Of The Country)

Starts: It's time to meet The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, upright men, each able at the slightest hint of scandal to clap his hands to his head and say "There's nothing in it." Our story, as usual, centres on the General Assistance Department, through which there passes every week a constant stream of papers. Each paper is carefully studied by top executives, and if anything is missing they will not rest until they have found it.

Ends: Contesting everything as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also featured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The programme was written by Johnny Mortimer, Brian Cooke and Edward Taylor. The Men From The Ministry was produced by Tom Meehan, and recorded in the Durban studios of CTV by Cyril Kay.

 

Blow Up (18.7.82) (adapted from BBC episode 4/1 The Battle of the River Thames)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me please. Alright, but only five minutes now. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Once again our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb holding things up somewhat.

Ends: Surveying the scene as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Seeing the PV were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Frank Graham, Tom Meehan and Brian Squires. Tonight's script was written by Edward Taylor and produced by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Problem With Submarines (adapted from BBC episode 4/2 The Tubby Submarine)

Starts: [It's time to meet The Men From The Ministry.] We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who file everything carefully, if you give them any work, you'll always get a cross reference. In the General Assistance Department, two senior executives peer at the papers in front of them. They are studying some ... figures.

Ends: Muddling though as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also featured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The programme was written by Johnny Mortimer, Brian Cooke and Edward Taylor. The Men From The Ministry was produced by Tom Meehan, and recorded in the Durban studios of CTV by Cyril Kay.

 

The Moon Shot (adapted from BBC episode 4/11 Out Of This World)

Starts: It's time to meet The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who are often compared to bungalows, square, detached and not much on top. Our attention, as always, is focused on the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. Here we find that keen young executive Richard Lamb not quite his usual cheerful self.

Ends: Out of this world as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also featured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The programme was written by Johnny Mortimer, Brian Cooke and Edward Taylor.

 

Left to Their Own Devices (adapted from BBC episode 5/5 The Home-Brewed Non-Vintage Bomb)   (16.9.84)

Starts: ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. This week our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find secretary Mildred Murfin telling junior executive Richard Lamb a few things about wasted manpower.

Ends: Left to their own devices as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Having a wine were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Tonight's script was written by Edward Taylor and adapted and produced by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Left to Their Own Devices (adapted from BBC episode 5/5 The Home-Brewed Non-Vintage Bomb)

Starts: ... [This week our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find] secretary Mildred Murvin telling junior executive Richard Lamb a few things about wasted manpower.

Ends: Left to their own devices as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Having a wine or two were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, and Tom Meehan. Script by Edward Taylor, adaptation and direction by Brian Squires, and production by Tom Meehan. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

In The Picture (2.10.83) (adapted from BBC episode 10/12 In The Picture)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. This week in the General Assistance Department we find senior executive Roland Lennox-Brown enlisting the aid of his colleague Richard Lamb on a matter of extreme importance.

Ends: In the picture tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Being framed were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan, Frank Graham and Brian Squires. Tonight's script was written by Edward Taylor and John Graham and produced by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Getting Tanked Up (18.7.82) (adapted from BBC episode 12/1 All Cisterns Go)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Whitehall is where decisions of national or even international importance are made every day. Let's take a look in one of the offices there and see how the experts go about replanning the entire economic structure of the nation. (Mixture with "Under The Scalpel". Same start.)

Ends: Getting tanked up as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Swimming along behind were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Brian Squires. Tonight's script was written by Edward Taylor and John Graham, and produced by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Full Of Energy (adapted from BBC episode 13/2 Horse Play)

Starts: ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, brolly and briefcase brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Once again our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find senior executive, Roland Lennox-Brown, his normal industrious ebullient self.

Ends: Full of energy as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Coming in last were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, and Tom Meehan. Script by Edward Taylor and John Graham, with adaptation and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Refuse Modernisation (adapted from BBC episode ?)

Starts: It's time to meet The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who jump at the prospect of hard work, and twitch if there's even the smallest task. Ministry men are resolute and determined. In General Assistance Department, for instance, Richard Lamb is standing firm and putting his foot down.

Ends: As usual, as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also featured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The programme was written by Johnny Mortimer, Brian Cooke and Edward Taylor.

 

Thinking Faster Than The Shrink (6.6.82) (adapted from BBC episode ?)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade,] The Men From the Ministry. Once again our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall, where we find dedicated men spending long hours at their desks.

Ends: Thinking faster than the shrink as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. In the trifle were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan, Frank Graham and Brian Squires. Tonight's script was written by Edward Taylor and John Graham, and produced by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

A-Hunting We Will Go (script by Campbell Crawford) (1.4.79)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. It is with the greatest of pleasure ... And now Springbok Radio invites [you] to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. Once again, our story takes us to that powerhouse of Government machinery, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb and secretary Mildred Murfin toiling in the land.

Ends: Going hunting as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. The museum exhibits were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Double Eclipse (script by Campbell Crawford) (7.10.79)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me, are there any messages for me? Yes, push off. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. Once again, our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb showing something off to secretary Mildred Murfin.

Ends: Being observed as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Putting in arresting performances were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Getting The Message (script by Campbell Crawford) (14.10.79)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me, have I missed the postman? Yes, but you didn't miss me. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. This week, our story begins not at the General Assistance Department in Whitehall, but at a ratepayer's meeting in Little Pestilence.

Ends: Getting the massage as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Trying not to get their acus punctured were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Tally-Ho ! (script by Campbell Crawford) (25.11.79)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me, can you tell me what the time is? Yes, with pleasure, it is time for you to shove off. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. Once again, our story takes us to that powerhouse of Government bureaucracy the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb at odds with secretary Mildred Murfin.

Ends: In the cart as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Horsing along behind were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Hot Toddy (script by Campbell Crawford) (30.12.79)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me, has anyone seen my hat? You don't need a hat, you need a sou'wester. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. Once again, our story takes us to that nerve centre of the Civil Service, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall, where we find junior executive Richard Lamb and secretary Mildred Murvin making rather an important decision.

Ends: In the swim as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Having lots of trouble were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week as we go into what we hope will be a happy New Year with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Bridging The Gap (script by Campbell Crawford) (13.1.80)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me, I'm a plumber, I've come to fix the pipes. I suggest you fix your own first. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. Once again, our story takes us to that powerhouse of Government machinery, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find secretary Mildred Murfin improving junior executive Richard Lamb's technique.

Ends: Burning their bridges as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Making it look as easy as toffee were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Men Of Steel (script by Campbell Crawford) (9.3.80)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me, is it my turn to make the announcements? No, it's your turn to push off. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. Once again, our story takes us to one of the powerhouses of the British Government, not the General Assistance Department in Whitehall, but the cabinet room at the residence of the British Prime Minister, No. 10 Downing Street.

Ends: Trying to be Men of Steel as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Inadventently following on were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Helping Out (script by Campbell Crawford) (30.3.80)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me, where can I put my galoshes? More than my job's worth to tell you, push off. And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From The Ministry. Once again, our story takes us to that powerhouse of Government machinery, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb and secretary Mildred Murfin trying to put it all together.

Ends: Finding themselves almost on the dole as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Looking for security were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Campbell Crawford, production by Tom Meehan and direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

The Spingle Factory

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who look tall, stand tall, think tall, men of Whitehall. In the General Assistance Department, communications are not always sharp and to the point.

Ends: Stepping up production tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also on the assembly line were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written and produced by Tom Meehan in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

Cows Can Be Trouble (4.10.1969)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, those unseen heroes, without whose efforts the country's administration would go from bad to better. Once again, we join executive Richard Lamb and secretary Mildred Murfin in the General Assistance Department, the very nerve centre of Whitehall.

Ends: On safari tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Darting along behind were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. Join us again next Saturday at nine for another half-hour radio smoke-break brought to you by the makers of Benson and Hedges cigarettes. This edition of the Men From The Ministry was written and produced by Tom Meehan, who will do his best to round up the characters for another show next week at the same time. Coming along ? Great! Good night. (Ending likely taken from "Animals For The Zoo".)

 

The Party (30.11.69)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry.] We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service; those men whose work conforms to a strict standard of outstandard truth. Life is not always smooth and routine in Whitehall's General Assistance Department. Today, for example, there's a shock waiting for executive Richard Lamb.

Ends: Cruising through the tunnel today as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. And in the next boat were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson.

 

Fancy Dress Ball

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, highland heroes who toil ever onward, ever onward, unseen, unsung, and as yet unhung. Our story opens as usual in the General Assistance Department, where Mildred Murfin and Richard Lamb are helping to create a new image for those who govern the nation.

Ends: Having a ball as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Behind masks were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written by John Simpson and Brian Squires and produced by Tom Meehan in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

Fowls, Birds

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. Once again, we meet those hard-pressed Government officials who are always deeply submerged in their work, they never surface before eleven. We take you now to the arena where the fight goes on to keep the country's wheels of administration turning, ever turning.

Ends: Ripe for the plucking as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Perched up alongside were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written by John Simpson and produced by Tom Meehan in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

Nudist Camp

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who are often compared to corset fitters; they can always push a problem out of sight by pulling a few strings. The atmosphere in the General Assistance Department is hushed and tense. Secretary Mildred Murfin watches wide-eyed as executive Richard Lamb conducts a highly involved experiment in the botanical field.

Ends: Seeking the secret of eternal youth tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. And draining the dregs were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written by Margaret Milner-Smythe and Tom Meehan, who also produced the show in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

New Year's Eve Party (28.12.69)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men known never at a loss to the solution to a vital state problem, men who are never at a loss over a tricky national economic problem, men who, when it comes to a problem with the petty cash, are never at a loss. This week we find top-level executive Richard Lamb and secretary Mildred Murfin meticulously planning the department's activities for the coming year.

Ends: Piping in the haggis tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. And paying the piper were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written by John Simpson and produced by Tom Meehan in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

Nerve Gas

(It's almost time for those Men From The Ministry. Yes. The Wesclox time signal says a quarter to nine on all Wesclox.)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men sworn to secrecy about all top-level matters, and that includes the ministry roof at lunchtime. Our story takes us, as usual, to the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. Enter Richard Lamb, second-in-command.

Ends: Up to scratch as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. And itching to be with them were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written by Brian Squires and produced by Tom Meehan in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

In The Army

(... an accurate time signal. Right time by Wesclox chime: a quarter to nine on all Wesclox.)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who are always intent on getting ahead, but they never seem to acquire one. Eavesdropping in the General Assistance Department, we find secretary Mildred Murfin laying down the law to executive Richard Lamb.

Ends: On parade as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Closing up the ranks were Corporal Maureen Adair, Second- Lieutenant Tommy Read, Private Tom Meehan and Sergeant Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written and produced by Tom Meehan in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

The Rose Problem

(And by Wesclox chime: eight forty-five on all Wesclox.)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who work to a strict code of honour, unless, of course, they are prevented from doing so by a code in the nose. In the General Assistance Department, as in all ministerial offices, the utmost care and precision is needed for even the smallest task.

Ends: At the wheel of the black Maria as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. In the back were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. The Men From The Ministry was written by Brian Squires and produced by Tom Meehan in the Durban studios of Springbok Radio Productions.

 

No.2 Becomes A Jockey

(Now, you're tuned to Springbok radio, your favourite station for brighter broadcasting. The right time by Wesclox chime: a quarter to nine on all Wesclox.)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. These are The Men From The Ministry. We present The Men From The Ministry, a weekly tribute to the men of the Government service, men who never work by the clock, the ticking keeps them awake. Here, once again, in the General Assistance Department we find that young and enthusiastic official Richard Lamb smoothing out the wrinkles of office.

Ends: In the saddle as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. And shortening the odds were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson.

 

Animals For The Zoo

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me. Not at the moment. The makers of Benson and Hedges cigarettes invite you to lean back, light up a cigarette, and eavesdrop on the lives of the men who refuse to take it lying down. Tea tastes so much better sitting up. They are The Men From The Ministry. The motto of the General Assistance Department is "A Healthy Never Mind in a Healthy Body." Today we find executive Richard Lamb explaining to Secretary Mildred Murfin exactly how to cultivate a body beautiful.

Ends: On safari tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Darting along behind were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. Join us again next Saturday at nine for another half-hour radio smoke-break brought to you by the makers of Benson and Hedges cigarettes. This edition of the Men From The Ministry was written and produced by Tom Meehan, who will do his best to round up the characters for another show next week at the same time. Coming along ? Great! Good night.

 

House Fraud

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me. Oh no, not on your life my friend. The makers of Benson and Hedges cigarettes invite you to lean back, light up a cigarette, and eavesdrop on the lives of the men who have the answer to any question. Usually it's "I don't know." They are The Men From The Ministry. Now, today in the General Assistance Department, we find executive Richard Lamb keeping up with the tempo of modern life.

Ends: On the treadmill tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Also tearing the place apart were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. Join The Men From The Ministry at this time next week for another half-hour radio smoke-break brought to you by the makers of Benson and Hedges cigarettes. Tonight's Men From The Ministry was written and produced by Tom Meehan. We had a lot of fun, and hope you did too. Joining us again next Saturday night at nine ? Great! Good night.

 

Red Shadow (21.3.70)

Starts: General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here. Excuse me. Just a moment please. The makers of Benson and Hedges cigarettes invite you to lean back, light up a cigarette, and eavesdrop on the lives of the bowler and brolly brigade. They are The Men From The Ministry. Today we leave the civil service workers to their work while we look apon the civil service players at play. A rehearsal of the civil service operatic society.

Ends: Humping along as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. The last straw on the camel's back were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Pat Simpson. Join us again next Saturday at nine for another half-hour radio smoke-break from the makers of Benson and Hedges cigarettes. John Simpson and Tom Meehan wrote tonight's Men From The Ministry script. Tom Meehan produced it before a wonderful audience. Joining us again next Saturday night ? Great! See you then.

 

Mixed In With The Fruits

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... now. May I suggest something? Certainly not, no because Springbok Radio are about to invite our listeners to lean back, put their feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, brolly and briefcase brigade, The Men From the Ministry. This week our story takes us to one of nerve centres of the Civil Service, the office of the Minister of Trade, where we find the Minister in urgent consultation with Permanent Under- Secretary Sir Gregory Pitkin.

Ends: Mixed in with the fruits as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Avoiding a punch-up were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read and Tom Meehan. Script and production by Tom Meehan, direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Crossing Knives With Fawkes (5.11.78)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the briefcase, bowler and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Once again our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb having a bit of a blow-up.

Ends: Crossing knives With Fawkes as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. At the top of the bonfire were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read and Tom Meehan. Script and direction by Brian Squires, and production by Tom Meehan. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Rolicking Along The Airwaves (9.1.80)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Even public servants have private lives. Let's evesdrop on today's goings on in the General Assistance Department.

Ends: Rolicking along the airwaves tonight as The Men From The Ministry were John Simpson and Roger Service. Voice and laughter were provided by Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, John Meehan and Frank Graham. Script and production by Tom Meehan with direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Right on Target (8.6.80)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Once again our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb pleading his case with secretary Mildred Murfin.

Ends: Right on target as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Messing about in small boats were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script and direction by Brian Squires, with production by Tom Meehan. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Under The Scalpel (6.3.83)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Once again we visit that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb, suprisingly enough, about to start some work. (Mixture with "Getting Tanked up". Same start.)

Ends: Almost under the scalpel as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Standing by for the post mortem were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan, Frank Graham and Brian Squires. The script was written by Tom Meehan and produced by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Doing Their Act (18.12.83)

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Once again we visit that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find junior executive Richard Lamb, suprisingly enough, about to start some work.

Ends: Doing their act as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. In the chorus line were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan, Frank Graham and Brian Squires. Tonight's script was written and produced by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Joining The Gazette

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. To be an executive in Whitehall calls for the ability to make instant decisions.

Ends: Joining the Gazette as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Featured in small type, very small type, were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read and Tom Meehan. The script was written and produced by Tom Meehan directed by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Heading for a Bus

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... And now Springbok Radio invites you to lean back, put your feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, briefcase and brolly brigade, The Men From the Ministry. Once again our story takes us to that hive of industry, the General Assistance Department in Whitehall. There we find secretary Mildred Murfin asking a rather leading question.

Ends: Heading for a bus [at the] bustop as The Men From The Ministry tonight were John Simpson and Roger Service. Collecting the fares were Maureen Adair, Tommy Read, Tom Meehan and Frank Graham. Script by Morris Rodgers, production by Tom Meehan direction by Brian Squires. Join the whole mad bunch at the same time next week for another romp down the corridors of power with The Men From The Ministry.

 

Untitled

Starts: [General Assistance Department, No.1 speaking. Hello, this is No.2. Pitkin here.] ... put their feet up and spend the next half hour with the bowler, brolly and briefcase brigade, The Men From the Ministry. This week our story takes us for a start to the hive of industry, not the General Assistance Department in Whitehall, but to the office of the Minister for the Interior, where we find the Minister himself in urgent consultation with Permanent Under-Secretary Sir Gregory Pitkin.

Ends: ...

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This page was compiled by Gary Schajer, Vancouver, Canada. gary@schajer.com